Anyway, I was up to 12.30am last night texting my uncle about how much I can save him if I were to meet him on property and maingate him in the parks. My cousins have never been to Disney, and I couldn't think of going there without them. So for the last few hours, we have been looking at plane flights to get me down there for two days. I found some deals, but those deals would be if I left tomorrow but stayed for 10 days. As much as this is possible, I am not sure what I would do for the week after they left. I could work, do my projects, swim, read... I would definitely find a way to occupy my time. The only thing preventing me from pressing "purchase" is a mode of transportation.
I have been lucky enough to go to FL and always find a way around with friends or what have you. This time, it is such short notice, that it may not be possible. This realization is KILLING me. For the last few hours, I have been texting friends to borrow a bike if they had one. I was contemplating biking 14 miles to the parks to get where i needed to go. Hey, where there is a will there is a way. I just don't care how, I want it to work.
This is where I realize just how strongly I want to be down there. Last entry, I mentioned how I cannot get FL out of my head. I mean look at me! I am possibly going to buy a 10 day ticket, ride a bike miles and miles, just to get around and be with my cousins for 2 days! That's it, 48 hours to spoil them with what I know. So why did the decision or discussion of not getting there tomorrow make me so mad? I don't know! I think it is the fact that I actually have a chance to help someone out on their vacation, and I have the power to do that. I have the ability to help, but life's variables are too much.
Too much planning and last minute scheduling is going into this, more than is necessary. But I just cannot let go of the fact that they are down there and I am up here. I can save them over $500 bucks, but I have to be there; and I am not.
What hold does FL have on me? I know it is not where I will be forever, but it the only place where life makes sense to me. Being that I am not doing anything in NJ makes it hard not to think about being in FL.
Tonight while I was out to dinner, it was brought up that I wasn't in Florida because I didn't have a car. To me, that is the main reason why I left FL, and why I am not there now. I guess that was how my parents saw it. A heated discussion came up saying that I am not in FL because I knew I wasn't going to go anywhere with the job I had, could search for jobs at home, and go into the city and interview them. True, but I could do all of that in FL, while having things to occupy my time. Plus, how many interviews have I had: one. Where? NYC? Nope! Ironically enough... in Orlando! hahaha. So really, to me, one of the main reasons I am not there is because of the car, but it is so obvious I still want to be there.
I told my mom that not being at Disney when I finally have someone to visit me is really just bad timing, and it sucks. Timing in life is not meshing right now. Timing with a trip to FL, timing with finding a job, timing with moving out. LIFE! When will it click? I know this may sound a bit depressing, but hey, I am just getting so frustrated and restless. I cannot even make a trip to FL, which is like second nature to me by now, work without problems. If I cannot do that, then what can I control in life at the moment? What is left? ugh!
Okay, tune down the drama, got it. I just need to get that out. I wish I was there, for ten days or not. I wish I was there with family, friends, and sunshine. I know that I need to move to LA, and that is why I am now home. However, I am unsure that by moving to LA, if I will ever be able to let FL go. Not sure. I just hope to find a job where I feel I found my place again, where I have a purpose.
Now to buy those tickets or not?
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