I have been raised to have a core faith in God, and I do, but like everyone else, sometimes I struggle in maintaining a strong relationship with Him. Well, to help me with this journey I have been reading a book meant to help me find my purpose in life called The Purpose Driven Life. I didn't have the intention of reading it, but I found it on my book case after I published one of my previous entries, so I took it as a sign to read. I opened it, and I saw that my Dad left notes in it from my 18th birthday. It was some encouragement that I needed.
Although it is very Christian and sometimes a bit much in its message, it has some really great points. You are supposed to read a chapter/lesson a day (only about 5 pages) to help you really question and ponder about its points. So far, I am in chapter 12, and it has been going well. I gain more insight from some and less from others, but overall, I already feel like I am back on track.
One of the lessons that I believe is that nothing is an accident. Everything is planned or has a purpose. As much as I want to admit that I am in control of my life, just look at it. Look at what I great job I am doing then. No job, stuck, trying to find a direction...basically lost. I have come to terms that if I want to succeed I need to trust. Trust that everything happens for a reason. I tell that to my friends, so why should it not be true for me?
For example, I need to trust that I went to BU for a reason. I didn't want to stay there when I was an actual student, but there was obviously a reason for why I was there. Although I do not understand it now, I will see it in due course. One quote says, "You may choose your career, your spouse, your hobbies, and many others parts of your life, but you don't get to choose your purpose." (page 21). I believe that is true. My purpose is what I am trying to find. It is just hard to do this because we live in a society that says you are defined by what you do; your purpose is a label that stems from how you occupy your time. Right? I am a carpenter, I am a businessman. We often lose sight that our jobs are not our only purpose, so we should not define ourselves by that. It is just part of who we are, not what we are.
Perhaps one of the biggest breakthroughs I have had is with the fact "you are always being tested." The book further states, "Sometimes god intentionally draws back, and we don't sense his closeness." Isn't that what I complained about in the past? Maybe this whole loss for direction is all a test I didn't realize it. Perhaps it is a test of my character, maybe to reveal a weakness, and to be prepared for more responsibility. If faith is a foundation in which all of life's principles rest, and I am having doubts or a shaky foundation, then how can I possibly be successful with life? I need to fix myself first, I need to strengthen my core. I was tested to get to that point. This was a big breakthrough for me.
Even just by realizing this, I feel as if I am getting back on track. I hate failing at anything in life, any challenge, any test. I will study till I pass! I also know that God would not give me a test greater than my ability to handle it. I know I can overcome what comes my way despite how tough it may be. For the first time in a while, I feel like I am moving forward in some aspect of my life. Thank goodness... or thank God (literally).
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