This was anything but an ordinary V-day discussion. We actually sat and talked about my move to LA. This was a long time coming, but also a very heavy subject for me. I know my parents do not understand all the details as to why this move is necessary, but I appreciate them being on my side. They are really willing to work with me on getting our used camry out there with me. I cannot do this without them.
That is not to say that conversation was very easy. I am not sure why, but I got heavy-hearted, a bit emotional, and sad. I should be really excited for this move, but why am I not feeling that? It would be rediculous not to admit my nerves, fear, and anxiety about it. I am not second guessing it, because I know that is where I need to go, but why can't I get my heart to agree with me. I am still in Florida. Why does that place have such a huge hold on me?! I have no idea. But that is another entry. Back to LA, I am going out there with not a lot of money and not a lot of anything, other than connections. Those few connections are what will carry me through this move.
One big hurdle for me will be to confront my fear of spending money. Especially after going through this recession, I do not like the act of spending money. I enjoy doing it for good experience, but overall, I am a very frugal person. Maybe too frugal. So going out to LA and possibly spending all my savings, is a huge risk, and a huge fear. I am not sure how quickly I can get a job, but my money will need to last. I know that I will be investing in myself, and that is probably te best way to use money, but seeing how tough times are, I am just not comfortable with getting rid of it (especially since I spent my whole life saving it). Oh well... as a wise man once told me "follow your fear".
So as of now, I am going out in mid-march. Around the 16th! Between now and then, I have to find friends to stay with for hopefully 6 weeks, so I can go apt shopping till then, get access to my money, get the car from Savannah shipped to CA, and email everyone I know to set up interviews. great work. bring it on.
My parents don't really think I pursued NYC with all my power, and they are right. I didn't. I applied to over 30 jobs in NYC, but none got back to me. I only have one connection in NYC, and she didn't help too much. But what the main thing is, I just do not want to be in NYC. I love the city, but what I want to do is not here as much as it is in LA. My heart is not in it, so why go for it?
Anyway, I am so exited to finally have a plan of action. I just cannot sit here anymore and wait for something to happen. I just can't. I gave up my dream of backbacking Europe right now for this move. Maybe not giving up, but postponing it. I just would not be able to go to Europe and afford to move out when I returned. I also believe that if I want anything in this life, I must pursue it with all I got, and if I fail, then I will return back here... or FL. I just cannot stand still and be okay with it. Something has got to change.
LA...I am coming soon. Cannot wait! Hope it works out, but it is all in God's hands.
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