The Biggest Let Down

This was written on Monday and Tuesday 4/12 and 4/13th. Not published until now for when the blog was in chronological order...

The Biggest Letdown

Today can go down as the worst day since I got here. I did not even see this coming. I feel so upset, angry, disappointed, everything. I feel like my plan just came to a screeching halt, and there is nothing I can do about it! Where did I go wrong?

"What happened," you ask? Well, I will just get straight to it. I was let go. I have not even had it yet for a month! 3 weeks! How embarrassing. I am so embarrassed that I did could not even call my parents and tell them. Who loses their job after 3 measly weeks? This will definitely go down in the record books! Am I just supposed to sit there and take it, or can I stand up for myself? I just took it and said I understood that she was looking for more experience, but I had no idea that she would be cutting me off within the week! I still have 2.5 months left. What about June!?

I left work with my head held high, and tried not to cry. It was so hard to stay professional when all I wanted to do was scream and run into solitude. I feel like I have been hit by a large anvil that is crushing me from the weight. Is this what it feels like to have your heart broken? If so, I never want to experience this again.

All I want to do tonight is curl up in a ball and cry. I feel like I have completely and utterly failed. I have let myself down, my family down, and my co-workers down. But what is worst of all is, I have no idea where I went wrong! I can tell you it was not based on performance, but the rest is confidential.

I know this is LA, and this is the business, but I feel like I am just getting started. I was just gaining momentum in networking, in trying to accomplish my goal to get on Pirates 4, but now, that momentum has come to a screeching halt. I feel like I just got my feet warm and was about to dive in, but now the chance has ended. I hate the feeling that I didn't have time to prove myself, I did not have time to live up to my potential. With that concept, I feel like I failed.

I know I should not second guess myself and why I came out here, because that will not change anything, but it is hard not to look back and wonder. This is definitely making me question my dream, but I don't even want to go that far into it. It is just too painful. Some of the questions that arise from that are: "Am I meant for this?", "What made me think I could do this?", "Are my dreams bigger than what is actually possible?" I won't explore those thoughts now, but they are definitely coming.

Maybe I am being to sorry for myself, but I cannot help but feel really disappointed. Is this one of those life tests to see if I can make it in the real world? If so, I don't like it, but I know I will be okay... eventually. I will take this last week at work, and work it really hard in networking and getting contacts. That will be my new goal. I have to stay focused on the task at hand, and accomplish what I came here to do. I will take this and run with it.

Who knows, maybe I do not see it now, but this could be a blessing in disguise. Everything happens for a reason, right? Right, God?! I think this is just another one of those tests not just in life, but in faith. That is another entry, though. Let's just say I am not looking forward to my last day, which is now 2.5 months early.

okay, I am going to go try and eat dinner. Goodnight.

Weekend of Figuring it Out

(written for weekend 4/9-4/11)

This was my first true weekend in LA, since I moved out here. It was great. I tried some new activities that I normally would not do.

First, I went to a Michael Buble concert on Friday night. I was on the fence about it because of the expensive ticket price, but I went after some convincing. I went with a former co-intern. It was great to see her again. The concert was good, not sure if it was worth the 100 bucks, but glad I went.

My friend then drove me around the actual downtown city of LA. There is absolutely no night life there. It is all corporate banks, but becomes a ghost town after hours. You would think the "downtown" section would have life, but not here.

On Saturday, I literally just worked on my computer for hours updating contacts, researching, and procrastinating too. I wanted a good day off. I spent it in my room, but then I thought about it, and where else would I go? What to do on a Saturday? I plan on doing more next weekend.

Saturday night, I met up with a friend of mine and we drove around to Pasadena. That is a really nice suburb outside of LA. We caught up with two others and had dinner in Hollywood at a local cafe area. Food was great. These are the people I interned with last year, so it was great to see them again. After dinner, we went to our favorite tradition after class, and went to Millions of Milkshakes. Now there is a great store!

Then after that, we were invited to a house party somewhere a few blocks over. I knew I was in LA because the party had a castle float in the backyard! Wow, they are crazy. About 50 drunk people running into an inflatable castle was quite the scene.

Then on Sunday, I tried going to a local Presbyterian Church, but I did not like it at all. There was no life, no youth. It smelt old, and was full of people I could not relate too. I just wanted to get out of there so quickly. The message too, was not to my liking, so I will not be going back. But hey, I tried right?

After church I drove to the Rose Bowl trying to find the guys I know play ultimate Frisbee. I was expecting no one to be there. To my astonishment, there was a giant flea market with thousands of people! I was just trying to find random guys playing Frisbee, not trying to get lost in the crowds. I eventually found them, but I was so lost!

The Frisbee game consisted of about 20 random assortment of guys from middle age to college. Most were nice, but when they consisted I play with them, I could not say no. I knew I would get some exercise too.

It has been so hard to exercise since I have been here. I commuted every day for almost 4 hours, so no exercise. I work at a desk, no exercise. I don't know the streets well enough to run at night after work, so no exercise. There is a gym at work, but there is a waiting list, and I am technically not hired full time, so no exercise. It just doesn't happen. I miss my vball team for that reason. So how could I not take advantage of this?

It was great fun. I was a bit off, but the guys were impressed. I body checked one of them by accident. eek.

After the game we went to eat at Oinkers, a slow fast-food place. They had a great Pastrami sandwich. Then at night, we went to see Date Night with Tina Fey and Steve Carell.

Overall, it was a great and busy weekend. I hung out with the same 3 people the whole time, but hey, I need them. Here is to a good and busy first weekend in LA. Let's see how this upcoming week goes!

A New Place, A New Phase

I consider myself to now be in the "second phase" of adjusting to LA life. My first phase was "initiation". It lasted two weeks. I stayed with my aunt and uncle, waited for my car, apt shopped, and had my first real earthquake. Initiation ended the day after Easter because... I moved into my new Temporary apartment!

I am now living in a new apt, which is in a more urban area, but it has no tall buildings. LA is weird like that. There are no buildings taller than the streets are wide.

I am not sure what to call this new phase, other than temporary. I have agreed to sign the three month lease on this apartment until end of June, in case I do not have a job by then. The apartment is great. Cozy and country feeling.

I am not sure what is going to happen come June, but I am trying to look into maybe moving to a house with others. Just a thought at the moment. I like my current room, but I still look forward to calling a room my own. Subletting just does not give you that chance.

My first night in the new room was alright. The floor creeks like no other! The paintings on the wall freak me out a bit, and I have tree branches swaying outside my window, which creates interesting shadows in the room. Sleeping in a bed other than your own is always a different experience. You may sleep well, but you just don't feel rejuvenated as if you were home. This will take some getting used too.

As this week has moved on, I have come to realize just how isolated I can feel sometimes. My day consists of working, and then back to the apt. I should be living an LA lifestyle, but I don't know many people to go out with. My social life is not there. My roommate does her own thing, so my nights are just me and the tv or computer in my room. It's not bad, but it is just lonely.

I noticed that I felt this way a lot at home in Jersey. It just seems I am never socially okay. I don't like the isolation, and feeling away from everyone else, but life has me here. I miss being able to drive 5 blocks to grandma's house, or 5 miles to a friend's. The time difference is making it hard to call people after work. By the time I get home and had dinner, it is now 11pm or later back on the East coast. The only time I have to talk is usually during the lunch hour. Or when my best friends are off at work, I am at work. This time difference just feels like it is enhancing the isolation even more, and when isolation grows, so does the homesickness and loneliness.

I look forward to the day where I find a volleyball team or a league/club to be a part of. I look forward to the day where I have some friends, although they will never live up to my current friends, to have a social life. I do not want to sound depressed, because I am not. It is what it is. I chose this move, so I have to deal with being lonely for a while. If only I could combine my family in Jersey, friends and enviornment in FL and move them here to the weather and work in California, then I would be really happy. But that is a dream, and not realistic. I know this "isolation" phase is temporary, but so is the living situation.

It seems everything is temporary until June. Welcome to the three month "temporary" phase of figuring everything out. Let's see where life goes. Here is to my family and friends! I miss you all so much.

The Right Candidate?

(written for the week 4/5-4/9/10)

I feel like I am finally getting the hang of work. I now know who works for who, and I know the important names. I understand how the copiers work, what time to get the mail out, and how to schedule mass meetings. I get it!

I feel like I am finally setting into what is expected of me at work. Assisting is not rocket science, it is just coordination and common sense. I feel confident and relaxed at work now. I just remain reserved about it. I am just afraid of being "too" out there that it looks unprofessional. That will come in time. I have 2.5 months to get there.

Working at the Studios has been great so far. I love my cubicle. Although it is dark without proper lighting, I am on a creative floor. I am next to the ad, poster and billboard creators, and then also adjacent to the trailer makers. I made a Pirates 4 chain of pictures hanging on my wall. I have everything organized. My favorite part is the telephone. It is a new digital and touch-dial phone, and it literally has a picture of the Castle with Tinkerbell flying around it! I love that!

Some days are busier than others, but nothing I cannot handle. Mondays are the worst. It seems that all of my work for meetings and things from last week go to the crap shoot on Mondays. I seem to get my entire week's worth of work, so by Friday, I am finally caught up.

My responsibilities have ranged from shipping packages to doing the scheduling. I answer calls, and sometimes I have about 200 emails a day. Crazy! The pace of work ranges. I do the normal office work, faxing, copying, creating packets, and working on the budget and invoices. It is like just like intern work but now I am actually paid.

Everyone that I have been in contact with via emails are really nice. I have made some good connections with those on the floor. I am starting to realize that Marketing is not what I want to do. I could do it for a year or two, but I am really craving to be near the action of the production. I walk by the stages at work everyday where Brothers and Sisters and Flash Forward are filmed, Stage 2 is where Mary Poppins took place. Just walking by them, I realize I just want to be in the action. That is for another entry.

Overall, I am really liking my work enviornment. I feel so happy walking on the lot and realizing that I made it here. I am just as deserving to be here as are the executives. I feel so happy walking by the historic parts of the lot, feeling like I am walking the halls of giants. Anybody can be someone important. Although I am not recognizing people outside or in the commissary yet, I know I will get there. Sometimes I feel like the whole world is at my feet, and someone needs to pinch me. Not a moment goes by, good and bad, where I am not grateful for this chance.

My Meaning Behind Easter Sunday

Easter has come and gone, but I have yet to discuss what I want on the topic. So here is my chance.

As I have previously written, it is no secret that I am going through some serious religious questioning now in my life. No, I am not denouncing God, and no, I am not trying to convert. I am seriously taking what I have grown up with and trying to put in into my own personal terms, my own opinions, my own beliefs. I want to make sure that I believe what I believe because it's true and I choose to do it, not because I have grown up on it. I greatly admire those who live their lives with conviction, and I want do do the same. Live life with certainty.

Anyway, Easter is the most important holiday in the Christian calendar; the Holiest of days. Usually this holiday is spent with family, well, since I have been in college, I don't think I have been home for Easter in the last 5 years. Luckily, in LA, I have some family out here. I was looking forward to spending the time and holiday with them; but I couldn't help but feel like a complete stranger at some point.

In terms of attending church, I come from a very traditional and colonial background. My church is serious and not always uplifting; it is the message for why we attend, not entertainment. Well, in CA, that is quite opposite. Going to church out here is like attending a concert. There is a full band, stage, no pulpit, no formal robes, casual dress, and tv monitors within the sanctuary to broadcast the service like a tv event.

Nothing is wrong with that at all, but it is quite opposite of what I am used too. Also, my aunt and uncle attend church on Saturday evenings. So for both Palm Sunday and Easter, we went in the afternoon on Saturdays. I felt like I was completely out of my element and it scared me. Then the actual service was intimating too. Everyone spoke or worshiped with such energy and passion. I admired their ability to be so open about their faith, and it bothered me that I wasn't.

Then I got to thinking... maybe I am intimidated by this openness because I am not sure what I believe as much as I thought. They all had the absolute certainty in what they believed and how they worshipped, and I am having issues with that at the moment. During the Easter service, it was so energetic and uplifting, but I responded in quite a different fashion. The fact that I am having doubts and constantly second guessing has struck me to my core. It has got me so off guard that when Easter was so certain, and I was not, I felt like an idiot for not feeling the same way, as if I have gone wrong somewhere, so i started to cry small tears in church. To some, I guess it looked like I was celebrating, but little did they know.

I have no idea what I am expecting to happen to me or what is to come out of this. I am so rattled by the fact I am insecure about my faith, on top of my move to LA, work, a new apt, no immediate family, no friends... it all came on top of me. Church seemed like the cherry on top of a growing pile of uncertainty.

As a result of my questions and insecurities, I called my high school friend who is super religious. She gave me some good perspective, and it felt great to talk that openly about something so personal to me. That was big for me, because I have never been able to do that. I feel awful and guilty even questioning anything about God, but I know He will listen.

Anyway, I have started to take it upon myself to do some research into more of Christianity and compare it to other faiths like Judiasm. I want to know why Christians are so certain Jesus is the Savior, and Judiasm is so certain he is not. Why? I don't understand. If the Jews are certain Jesus is not the Savior, then what are they waiting for? Why not Jesus? And for Christians, how are we so sure ourselves? Then the bigger issue is can you surrender your life to the Ultimate power? That is really gutsy! I have prayed many, many nights about this subject asking that God reveal the truth to me. Sometimes I feel he doesn't answer, but then I know he does because each morning when I wake, I feel more and more certain he is around me. It is so strange, but comforting. There is this energy that I just feel really close too when I go through my day, and I have to believe it is Him.

So that is where I am at in terms of my beliefs. Where is the proof or what are the circumstances, and how strongly do I show this belief? I am not one to rub it in people's faces, I think that is wrong, but I try to show it through the way I practice and live my life: my values, qualities, behavior , etc. I will let you know what I discover as I run into it.

Let me get back to Easter. Although we had church on Saturday, I still had an interesting Sunday. The Easter Bunny came and got me some treats! We died Easter eggs and had an Easter Egg Hunt (despite the strong opposition to it). We had an amazing Ham dinner with corn, potato casserole, and wine.

My favorite part of the day was talking to my family on the phone. It is when you are away from the family and on an important holiday tradition, you realize how important they are and how much you miss them. I talked to my cousins, my grandmothers, my aunt and uncles and then my siblings. When I talked to my parents, I got upset and cried, because I am such a family oriented person, and I was not with them and doing other traditions, that I felt lonely and isolated. I wanted to be near what was familiar to me, but instead I find myself in a new environment with new people. I was just homesick for what was familiar.

Easter this year was very insightful for me. I learned a lot of what I do NOT know rather than what I do. I am pushing myself spiritually and intellectually to find what is right to me. I love my extended family out here, and without them this move would not be possible, but it doesn't diminish the fact I miss home.

Oh! I forgot the biggest part! There was an earthquake that shook the whole southern California. It was perfect timing, because in service, we talked how the "earth shook" when Jesus arose from the dead. Suddenly, on Easter afternoon there was an Earthquake that was the largest in 17 years. I was coming out of the shower, and I thought I lost my balance when I realized it was an earthquake! The funny thing was, just a moment before that happened, I looked out the window to the sky by the shower and said to God, "I hope you are with me." Then the earth shook. Coincidence? Maybe, but I would like to think not.

After it happened, I thought just how quickly life could turn on you like that. If that earthquake was like Haiti's or Chile's, my life could have been snatched away in an instant. It was the first time in a long time, I felt small and completely out of control. As much as we like to think we are the greatest power on Earth, we lose sight just how much we are in the hands of Mother Nature, or in my beliefs, God's power.

That was my initiation to California, and the complete recollection of my Easter Sunday, and what it meant to me. I feel this is the most personal post I have ever written. I feel really vulnerable typing this, just like the girl in the picture above. I do feel Overexposed, but that is the point, isn't it?

Little Satisfaction

Written for Week of 3/29-4/2...


One of the greatest things happened to me this week. It was so small, and insignificant to others, but it is huge for me.

I have worked really hard to get to the studios. I have worked and networked just trying to get here. I did it through two different paths. The first one was with an internship at an advertising company in Boston, and they other was working at Walt Disney World. This week, these two paths came full circle for me. Let me explain.

First, as most of you know, I have been working at WDW for a long time. I worked mostly on the Backlot Tour at Disney's Hollywood Studios. If you are unfamiliar with it, the attraction is half water show and half train ride. I was a tour guide on both parts. If you have ever walked the backlot tour, it is obvious you have come across the movie posters, trailers, costumes and tram cards that promote our films throughout the attraction. I have always wondered where they all came from.

Well, I was assigned to working on the budget for my department, which covers some aspects of WDW, including where I used to work! I could not believe I was on the other side! Complete full circle. I was so satisfied, and excited. I explained that to my bosses, but they don't get it. I am so excited by this news, I wanted to know exactly what each item correlated too on the attracted. I now understand what I have been staring at for the last 3.5 years. Yes! Full circle!

That was a great moment, but this second moment of little satisfaction is even more sweet. My junior year at BU, I was interning with this advertising company in Boston. Although I was working for them, I was actually hired by Disney. Let's just say... I hated the experience. I hated everything about it. I was treated poorly, yet I worked so hard, I never got good reviews from my bitter bosses. Sometimes I wondered why didn't they just fire me if I was this awful?

I was only supposed to work for the Fall semester, but they did not fill the internship for the spring and asked me to stay on. I told them the only way I will stay is if they promise to get me in contact with the executives over at the Disney Studios, since that is where I wanted to end up. They agreed.

Just like the fall, the spring was not pleasant, in fact, it was worse. I dreaded going there, and I couldn't wait for the semester to end. Finally, May 1st came, and my moment of truth. I approached my boss to talk about my year, and asked her for my contact at the studios. Let's just say it did not go over well. She ripped my heart out saying "You were the worst employee we have ever had. You never did what we asked, you never accomplished what we needed. Why on Earth would we recommend you to the studios? I can, if you want, but I would never recommend you." I was crushed. I left with my head held high, and all I have ever wanted to do was prove them wrong.

Well, this week, I got my satisfaction. I was receiving packages from this advertising company all throughout the country just returning DVD/film to me. They all had my name on the packages.

Nothing special, but still neat to see my name. Well, I had about 5 packages come in at once, and I tore them open, threw them out, and moved to the next one, but one caught my eye. I looked at the package and it was from the company I used to work for. Not only that, but this package was from Boston, in my old boss' handwriting!! I couldn't believe it! What a gorgeous sight! I have no idea if she ever connected the dots as to who she was writing, but I felt so happy. it wasn't the package that satisfied, it was the meaning behind it.

I made it without her help. I still got here despite her put down. I proved her wrong against the odds. Tell me, what could feel more sweet? I saved the package and it is hanging in my cubicle. I will treasure that forever! Satisfaction guaranteed!

Finally, the last two things that happened this week for total satisfaction were: I got my first pay check from the studios, and my work email! I am now a studios cast member! With the email, I have waited years for that. All of my friends have moved on and gotten one. To some it is just an email adderss, but to me it is a symbol of initiation! And I am in! It is official, I am in, even if just for a short while. I am in.

That is the most satysifying of all.

Small steps... slowly but surely. Small steps, one at a time.

- car (check)
- work (check)
- apt (check)
- work email (check)
- work paycheck (check)
- move in with work Roommate ... up next

It feels good to be making money, working where I have always wanted to work. Life feels great at the moment, I am cherishing this high, just hope it lasts!

I love my job :)

Finding a Place to Live

(Written for the week of 3/29-4/2)

I previously bogged about how each week, I have a different goal in mind to adjust myself slowly to my new environment. Last week, my first week, I was to get acquainted with work. This week, my goal is to still adjust to work, but also find a place to live. Now that I have my car, I am free to go looking, however, I am trying to keep my options limited. The last thing I want is to have too many options that I overwhelm myself, so I have allowed myself three options.

The first, is with my high school classmate and friend. She lives inthe more hippy and independent music scene of LA. I am not that person, but it would make it an interesting place to live.

The second, is a woman is a Disney executive. What a great chance to network. She lives in this great upscale condo in a nicer suburb, a nicer suburb of LA where most people want to end up. It is next to Burbank in the Valley, and only 2 miles from work. However, she wants more of a private lifestyle, and I am not sure that is me either. It is more expensive than I want and includes no furniture, but I can make it work if I have too.

The third option that I met with this week is with someone I met through the Hub (Disney Employee Website). She, too, a Disney cast member, is about 2.5 miles from work in a nice neighborhood off of some busy streets. Although it is quiet, I have my own room with furniture already in it. The girl seems nice and social, and she comes with a cat.

Based on my three options, I choose #3. I felt awful leaving my high school friend who needed someone, but I just felt a lot more comfortable with this place. It is cozy, safe, pleasantly quaint and we get along personality wise. I am central to all highways, not far from Hollywood, and 10 minutes from the Burbank airport.

I negotiated only a three month lease, because I have no idea what is going to happen come June. So as of now, I have a place to live! I cannot paint or decorate the room, since I may only be there a short time. It comes with a day bed and trundle bed, cable tv in the room, a computer desk, a night stand, and a large closet. The condo itself has washer and dryer in unit, two bedrooms, 1.5 bath, a patio, two stories, and utilities are included. I pay a fair rent for the room, furniture, gas, electricity, water, cable, internet, and a cleaning lady who comes twice a month. Not bad. I am really lucky. Although I would normally be stressed with the rent that high, it is normal for LA, and I am actually making some money, so I will be alright.

So there you have it... I found a place to live for the next three months. Temporary, but something. I won't move in until after Easter, so I will let you know how it goes. Just another step in the right direction, slowly but surely. Adjustment #2, accomplished.

Not Leaving Anytime Soon

(Written for the weekend of March 26-28th, 2010).

I just had a rather large realization this weekend: I am not going home any time soon. I know it seems obvious, but I had always thought as this move as a "trial phase" of my life. I didn't think of it as leaving the nest, but in hindsight... how did I not see that?! Wow, it has hit me like a ton of bricks, and I am not sure how I feel about it.

What brought this on? Well, my car arrived today! It made it all the way from Jersey in good condition. I was nervous at first, because it was unclear how long it would take to get out here, but it made it in exactly one week. As happy and excited as I am to have my own set of wheels or independence, it is a bitter sweet moment.

The fact that I now have the car out here solidifies the fact I am in LA. The only way back home is to drive it across country or spend another 800 dollars to ship it back. I know I wanted to leave the nest, but because this move is so risky and unpredictable, I never really thought I crossed that bridge yet in my life. What is the saying from Wicked? "There are bridges you cross you didn't know you crossed until you've crossed" (Thank Goodness, Wicked). That is definely what has happened here.

I texted my sister about my realization that I am now on my own, and she said that "I think I realized it sooner than you did." She was right; I have always been in-denial about the important life-making decision this was. Well the car is an actual confirmation to me.

If this is what I wanted, then why do I feel so strange about it? I feel good to be out and trying to do something with myself, but then I feel so separated and away from all that is important to me. Tangent... that will be another blog post.

I finally understand that I am out West, trying to find my career, trying to find myself, own my own, with my family car.

Oh that reminds me, I need to go get gas and wash the car. Until next time...

One Small Step at a Time

So I am taking you back to my first week or two in LA (dates 3/22-3/26/10) This is what I felt and what I wrote. Take it as you will. Sorry for the length ahead of time...

Small Steps, Small Questions

The next chapter has begun, and I am taking it slowly day by day. I have now been working for a week at the Walt Disney Studios, and it has gone by so fast. Sometimes, I feel like I am on top of the world and nothing can stop me, and others, I feel completely inadequate for the smallest tasks.

Making this move to LA, I have realized I have to approach it completely different than I have any other move. I actually have to take it day by day, and adjust slowly rather than dive into it and expect things to happen automatically. All my previous moves throughout the country were different than this move, I had family, or I had provided roommates and an environment with limited time experiences (semesters at school, abroad or WDW). This, unlike the others, has no "end date" and no given set of circumstances, I must make it on my own. So in order to get myself situated, I need to take my time and build my own world around me slowly and surely.

"Slowly and surely." I feel that has been my motto for everything that I say or do lately. At work, I say it for when people ask, "How are you adjusting?" or "How is is going?" I even say it to myself when I start to feel things click and I understand something new for the first time. It is a lot like that feeling in Math class when you are given a new equation and you finally "get it" and are able to solve the problem. It is with those small "clicks" I feel I am able to start adjusting.

I am trying to adjust to one new thing at a time. Right now, it is adjusting to the new work environment. Next week, it will be adjusting to the roads, and trying to find an apartment to move into. Then the week after that, I will move in, and then I can start looking for recreational activities, like joining a volleyball team. As you can see, it is one new aspect at a time. I cannot push it any faster than that. "Slowly but surely," I will make my adjustments.

However, as of now, I feel like it is coming along. I have not been able to blog at all because my life has become so regimented this week. Here is my routine: Wake 6am, leave for work 6:30am, arrive near 9am, work till 6:30pm, drive back through traffic, end back at family's house near 8:30pm, talk to family, dinner @ 9:15, ready for bed, in bed at 10:30pm, start all over!

For those of you who know me, I am NOT an early to bed, early to rise, but when I come back from work, I am sooo exhausted, by 9pm I can barely stay awake. I have not felt this tired in a really long time. I had no idea that sitting down all day would exhaust me that much. I think more so right now, I am more mentally exhausted, as I am trying to adjust to a lot of things. I know once I get the routine, it will be better. But the low point is the 2 hour commute through bad traffic, but for some reason, I feel strangely independent and grown up being a part of the adult commute. So, I actually do not mind it all the time. It's towards the 2+ hour mark when I get antsy to get out of the car.

Anyway, that was a tangent. I just wanted to talk about how work is going mainly, since that is what i came out here to do. Well, it is going really well. I think as some of you know, when you first meet me, I am really reserved and a bit shy, especially if I have the pressure of trying to impress someone in a professional environment. I am not naturally loud, and as I get used to the group dynamic, then I become more outgoing. That is where I am now. I am the most quiet of the group, but they are all nice. I want to make sure that I am understanding everything they tell me, and I do it correctly. So far, I am doing pretty well I think.

I am jumping right on into it. On my first day, I started planning meetings, organized the travel itineraries and "manned the phones." My boss' desk is quite busy, that's fine, but the part that I feel most insecure about is all the small tiny questions I need to ask regarding the small details I do not know.

For example, I do not know who the assistants are to what executives, I do not know who is priority person to talk to or meet with when 5 other people are trying to schedule a meeting at the same time. I do not know simple things, like the UPS packaging process as it is different for each company or the extensions to offices, where the copy machine is... the list goes on. The hardest part is not knowing who people are. I am now keeping a cheat sheet of what assistants go to what executives, and who does what. That I know will take time, and my boss will need patience with me as I also need it with myself.

Luckily, I have been well received by the other folks within the company. I am so surprised on how friendly everyone is here, which is not what I was expecting of LA. I have found an ally or two to ask the smallest questions, such as "what is the copier password? The fax number? Where is the kitchen? Supply room? How do you change this on the calendar?" etc...

I love the people I work with on the floor. I am neighboring the offices that create the billboards, ads, and movie posters for all of the Disney films coming out. Then on my other side, I have the guys who make and edit the movie trailers. So lately, I have heard the Sorcerer's Apprentice trailer and Miley Cyrus' Last Song trailer about 200 times. Although I am not doing anything creative yet, I am around people who are, and it is wonderful! I love the energy of the company and the work environment.

Like I said, there are days where I feel on top of the world and I cannot stop smiling walking in the Halls of Giants, but then there are others where I really feel out of place not knowing the necessary details; which is why, I need to take this adjustment one step at a time. Starting with the small questions, small "clicks", to small achievements. I look forward to what is coming next week. Until then, I hope everyone else at home is doing well! Miss you all.

I'm Sorry!

I'm so sorry bloggers and readers! I have promised to keep you all updated with my life as it changes, and yet, I have not written an entry in over a month. I am so disappointed in myself, but not nearly how sorry I am to you. I know this blog only hits maybe 5 people, but still, I felt this is my way to communicate with you, and I have failed to do so.

With that said, I am hereby committing to writing an entry a day, or more, to catch you up on what has happened in my life. A lot has changed within the last month. Things I never saw coming, and things I felt were predictable. I will update you as if I am living through that moment a month ago. I will go through my thoughts in chronological order, but they will just be a month behind. Soon, you will be updated.

So I will start off with the job, then go through Easter, and then to where I am now. Thanks for reading if you do. I am coming back, maybe to that I should be sorry too. Haha. Okay, here I go...