Not Leaving Anytime Soon

(Written for the weekend of March 26-28th, 2010).

I just had a rather large realization this weekend: I am not going home any time soon. I know it seems obvious, but I had always thought as this move as a "trial phase" of my life. I didn't think of it as leaving the nest, but in hindsight... how did I not see that?! Wow, it has hit me like a ton of bricks, and I am not sure how I feel about it.

What brought this on? Well, my car arrived today! It made it all the way from Jersey in good condition. I was nervous at first, because it was unclear how long it would take to get out here, but it made it in exactly one week. As happy and excited as I am to have my own set of wheels or independence, it is a bitter sweet moment.

The fact that I now have the car out here solidifies the fact I am in LA. The only way back home is to drive it across country or spend another 800 dollars to ship it back. I know I wanted to leave the nest, but because this move is so risky and unpredictable, I never really thought I crossed that bridge yet in my life. What is the saying from Wicked? "There are bridges you cross you didn't know you crossed until you've crossed" (Thank Goodness, Wicked). That is definely what has happened here.

I texted my sister about my realization that I am now on my own, and she said that "I think I realized it sooner than you did." She was right; I have always been in-denial about the important life-making decision this was. Well the car is an actual confirmation to me.

If this is what I wanted, then why do I feel so strange about it? I feel good to be out and trying to do something with myself, but then I feel so separated and away from all that is important to me. Tangent... that will be another blog post.

I finally understand that I am out West, trying to find my career, trying to find myself, own my own, with my family car.

Oh that reminds me, I need to go get gas and wash the car. Until next time...