Sunday, March 21, 2010

Mind My Worst Enemy

Usually, I am a pretty good sleeper. I go to bed and tend to pass out within a few minutes and sleep without waking up. I love to get about 8-9 hours of sleep a day, but lately, my mind has become my worst enemy.

It seems my brain doesn't get the memo that night time is when you are supposed to calm down. Instead, my mind seems to race once the lights turn off. It is quite annoying actually. I guess instead of dreaming, I end up day dreaming... at night... quite intensely. I don't mean too, it just happens.

This isn't anything new either. It really started back about a month and a half ago, when I was really starting to get stressed about life and its direction. I would think about everything and anything. Then it really sped up once I bought my ticket in February to move to LA. I would start thinking about where I would live, who I would stay with and then the future of my apartment.

That sounds all healthy and good, but I can get carried away, like excessively.

For example, about my future apartment, I start thinking about the wall colors, the cover rug and the plates. I want a queen size bed for the first time with the comforter from the Sheraton Inn with a few pillows to make it fluffy and soft. Soft enough for a cat to sleep on. So now, I want a cat! What kind? I was thinking a handicapped tabby of some sort calling it Angel. I want it to be near me because I miss my cats so much at home. Oh back to the rug. I was thinking the purple one from PB Teen with the white polka dots. That would cover enough floor space to make it feel like I have a carpet.

Oh, I have some pots and things my grandmother gave me in boxes since she moved from her condo. Those would be great to use. But how am I going to get those shipped out west without breaking them, since they are all ceramic? I could pay for shipping, or maybe my brother would want to do a road trip this summer, but with what car? Our van is breaking, I have the other, my mom needs the Murano to drive our sister, and Dad has a company car. Ooooo.... cars, I want to buy a new car someday. What to get? I really want the ice blue color on a small car. It should also have a sun roof and non leather seats. I like carpeted seats. Speaking of carpet, I really want that PB Teen rug! I also want the mattress that James has because you feel like you are floating on a cloud! I need to look into that. I wonder what it is like to float in a cloud? I should go sky diving! That way I can figure it out and accomplish a life goal! Oh, I have to finish that life goal project.....

ANYWAY, you see how it keeps going? There is no stop! Sometimes it keeps me up for around 3 hours. That is the downside.

I know I am a big worrier as it is, but this doesn't help. Where is my off switch? I guess it is a good thing to be aware of what is going on, and to have a plan, but it's crazy! I should do that during daylight hours. I keep a notepad by my bed just in case I remember something I need to do or look up in the morning.

Lately though, it has gotten better. I made the move to Cali, so that got rid of some worry. However, now I am always thinking about work, a future job, and what my apt will look like. Also, I have been thinking about the roommate possibilities, how I still need to make it to Savannah for my borther's college graduation, NJ for my sister's high school graduation, and about my friends in FL and how I can remain seasonal at WDW. I hope I can remain seasonal there, because it is important to me.

So you see, my mind is always going. I remember a friend of mine told me I need to take an actual "chill pill" and there is medicine for that. Anyway, does anyone else have this problem? My mind is my own worst enemy. I just need to find the off switch.

Okay, this post took a lot of energy. I need to go take a nap.... if my mind will let me.

1 comment:

  1. I'm soooo happy for you Ashley!! You have a wonderful job, even if temporary. Plus you have several potential job opportunities! I could not be more happy for you!! I promise that as soon as I get time and I have some money, I will definitely come visit you!!! Great job on everything! I knew you'd make it out there!