So I just realized today is my One Year Anniversary from when I graduated from Boston University. I cannot believe how fast this day has come. I mean, it was slow when I lived it day by day, but it does not feel I have come to this monumental point quite yet. I always thought this day would be filled with happiness or accomplishment, but I am actaully surprised at my reaction. I am perplexed and indifferent.
I have been dreading this moment for quite sometime within the last few months because it marks one of unachieved goals. Don't get me wrong, I have a lot that I am happy for: a healthy family, strong friendships, moving out west to pursue my career, finding some work... list goes on.
However, I cannot help and also look at what I have failed to accomplish during this time. I remember a talk I had with a great friend of mine in FL who graduated a year before I did. When he hit his year anniversary last year, he was in a similar boat and we analyzed his life, where he was, and where he thought he would be. He found some of what he was looking for, but I remember thinking I would have accomplished more when my year anniversary comes around. Wrong! I am far from it. Let me explain...
A little over a year ago, I was completing my 6th internship, and applying for as many jobs as possible. I have been whole-heartedly applying for full time positions since February 2009. By the time graduation came around, I still had nada. I had several promising leads that I would have to wait out for till the end of the summer. So I did. I moved to Orlando, and made money to support my future move wherever the job came from. August came and went, and the leads I had fell through. I was devastated! Since then, I have been feeling the pressure to get started with my career.
At this time last year, I knew I didn't have a job, but I was exploring all my possibilities. I was actually relieved I was not hired out of college. Ideally, if God would grant it, I wanted a year off as my "gap year" between school and work. I wanted to travel! So I was exploring working on a cruise line for 6 months with a friend, and I also dedicated myself to work abroad as an intern. I had a lead to work in London in the Fall on the Harry Potter set, but that also fell through.
Let's just say. This has been a year of a lot of rejection. I promised myself a year ago, I would travel in the spring of 2010. I thought I would go on a month trip through Europe and see all of the places I have wanted to see for so long. Well that quickly went out the door because I knew I would not be able to move out if I traveled. I have postponed my dream of living abroad for a while, and that was really hard to admit, and a blow to my pride.
While this was happening, I was in Orlando working at Walt Disney World, and that soon became harder for me too. I was forced out of my work area of 3 years in July for BS reasons and poor management, moved to the water park, boat marina, and I felt I was losing my potential as a person. As a driven and ambitious person, I could not take the feeling of being unproductive anymore. Then in December, my grandfather, who lives down the street from me, passed away. That devastated me, and it forced me to move back home to NJ.
I stayed there for three months feeling like I failed, and I had to get out So I bought my ticket and made the move. The move has not been unbearable, but it has had its challenges and definite ups and downs.
I did not ask to graduate in the WORST economy ever, that just happened. On top of having some personal losses, I have also had a very challenging year in my faith. I have been shakin' and stirred in what feels like a tornado sometimes.
Now over 250 job applications later (no joke), and 4 written and re-written resumes, I still find myself in the same position: unemployed. I look back at the year, and I am sad to know that I did not do the traveling I wanted, I did not really accomplish my basic goals. I thought I would be a year into being an assistant at a production company or a television show, havig found my social scene, and really enjoying the greatness of life. I have however, had my "gap year", but not by choice.
Now that the next year of graduates are entering the work force, I have more competition. I feel that I am starting with the same circumstances as they. I did not think this was where I was going to be a year later. In ways, I feel really behind, in others I don't. I know my career is a marathon, not a sprint, but I just want to get started already, and I feel time and pressure ticking.
Yes, I have only been out here for 2 months yesterday, and it takes 3 months to find on average your fist job, but it has been ONE YEAR! Out of all of this, my greatest lession is learning patience. I am also learning a new definition of faith, as I have done the ins and outs of soul searching. Maybe that was how I will define this year: complete Soul Searching.
Anyway, I am here. I am alive. I have graduated, and I have moved to LA. That is where I am and I will deal with those circumstances. I look forward to this next year, but if I have learned anything, that is: I have no idea where I will end up. I just hope it's up!
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