I am finally caught up on my blog and up to the current day!! This is a big accomplishment! Well done, Ashley! I just hope I can stay on top of it again.
Okay, so I am writing this as I am sitting behind my desk at work temping, and I am finding it soooo hard to concentrate on the computer screen. I am getting so antsy just by sitting here, I cannot sit still. I have so much energy, and all I want to do is walk around the office and get outside. Instead, I am in the lower level (considered the basement), with no windows and no way out. It is a gorgeous 80 degrees today, and I cannot even tell if it were night or day outside. I feel soo couped up and stifled in here. I want to be outside! I want to be productive.
For years now, all I have ever wanted is to be a part of the Disney Studios, in some capacity, in the offices, hoping to work towards becoming a Studio Executive. Now, a lot of that has been coming into question.
That has been my sole goal for many years now, and look, I am in the right spot. I am so proud of myself. But as I am doing these temp jobs, I am starting to learn a lot about the business and the possible careers with Disney or another company. I have come to learn, there are so many paths, and I am not sure which one is meant for me.
In Hollywood, to become a producer, there are 2 types of paths, either as a Production Assistant on set or an Executive Assistant in the offices. I have wanted to do the executive assistant path, because the administrative work involves all of my strengths from organization, multi-tasking, detail orientation, etc. It seemed the most logical, and that is what I have been pushing for with these temp positions and meet and greets.
However, now, I am completely switching my perspectives. I miss being creative sooo much, and being an assistant has none of that. There is nothing creative. I hate sitting in front of the computer screen all day, and as you can tell, I get so antsy I start to freak out. I just want to walk around and be outside. I love talking to people, but talking to them via the phone and computer/emails are not my idea of meeting and being social. Then when I come home at the end of the day, the last thing I want is to be on the computer, which is why my blogging has dramatically decreased.
It is so weird to me to question whether or not an office job is meant for me, because that is all I have ever wanted for so long, and now that I am in it, I want out of it. Is there a way to be outside or active with my job in production but still have the job stability? That is another reason I wanted to be a studio executive, jobs are stable. If you are on a set, you just have to go from project to project not knowing if it is your last.
In all, I am really questioning whether the office is for me. I look back and I see that this is just another way working at WDW has changed me. I was outside working for 8 months, to now be inside all the time. I miss the activity, the interaction with people. If I had stayed with my childhood goal of being a doctor, I would have had the no office and physical aspect I like. Interesting.
It seems like I should work back in the theme parks, but I don't want too as a career unless it is through production. At this point, I just miss the way I felt when I was active in my day, and not sitting in a chair. 9-6 has never felt so long and daunting before, and those are not even hard hours! I look forward to the days that are busy and fast.
It is good that I am learning this about myself, but it makes it harder to find a job that I want here in LA. All the people I know are office people, not project/set members. How do I even get there now?
That brings up my next set of points. I am even starting to question what path to take in regards to a career. Like I said, I always wanted Disney Studios, studio film producer, but now I am still not sure.
I am really missing the pace of television. I love the over turning of projects, the length of a season, the hiatus of the summer, and more. When I interned on a previous talk show, I felt like I was in more of the right place at the right time. So now, I am starting to think that Television is where I want to go.
But do I want to do family entertainment, like Disney Channel, or more talk? Disney is great, but I am realizing how political it is to move somewhere. A lot of the secretaries have been there for 2+ years, and are finding it hard to move up. Is that my fate? I do not want to be on an entry level position for so long that I get stuck, and in such a large company, there are many ways to get stuck.
Talk is still great television, and it one of my favorite genres. I have always wanted to host a tv show as a secret fantasy, but now, I would love to do that for a job. I love segment producing, which is creating the 5-10 minute "chapters" or topic of discussion during the show's broadcast. I really want to get my hands on developing what goes on the tv screen. I have said it before, if I were to work in NYC, I would love to work for Today or GMA. That is talk without being too journalistic. I know I am not meant for journalism, but I believe in being a reliable show that can still provide great entertainment.
I also love late night comedy. I am so bummed Conan is not on NBC anymore, as I applied over 10 times to that show. Knowing his return to TBS will be remarkable, I would love the chance to work on his show too. Jimmy Kimmel is also another good show. I would love to be in the production of that talk format as well.
So aside from my possible talk path, I was also thinking about TV Event production. When I was in NZ last year, I interned on their Music Awards, which was like their version of the Grammy's. I realized at the actual night how I felt like I was in the absolute right place and the right time. I loved seeing the whole event come together, and I have not felt that feeling again.
Which has got me to thinking, what if I were to pursue producing events like the Grammy's, Emmy's, Oscars, Golden Globes, Kids Choice Awards, etc. I love that development because you are dealing with live tv, and you have an absolute make-it or break-it deadline. I love the intensity of that behind-the-scenes show. I have no idea where to even start to look to get involved in that.
One other path I have been recently considering is Script Supervisor. That person is all about the details of the script to how it was shot on camera. For example, if the screen calls for the actor to wave their hand, the Script Sup. makes sure that for each take the actor continues to wave with the same hand. They follow was it the right or left? were the fingers straight or curled? Were there bracelets or a watch on the wrist? That is the person who is in charge of set continuity throughout the project. It seems great, especially for my meticulous nature, but I don't like how there is not a position you can continue to move up and grow in. Once you are a script supervisor, you cannot really be promoted except onto a larger project.
Even if I follow that path, event production or talk, it means that I may not be able to be with Disney. I will not be involved like I have always imagined. There is a possibility to stay with ABC or ESPN, but these shows are not directly involved with them. The fact that I may not want what I have always wanted scares me. Am I maturing, growing, or failing and being more confused than ever?
What is my path? Where am I meant to go? These questions still linger and will have no end. I do have a starting place though. Starting next week, when my temp position is over, I will make it my week goal to reach out to those involved in my favorite shows, send resumes, and see if there is a way I can become a Production Assistant on a particular show. It seems I have some re-evaluation to do. Oh life... so confusing, nothing is simple anymore.
I feel like Pocahontas asking to Grandmother Willow, "What is my path? How am I ever going to find it?" Just listen. I am listening to my heart, my instincts, and trying to listen to God as well, but they are all hard to hear at the moment. Hoping it will all become clear soon.
Okay, it is almost lunch... I cannot wait to get out of this office and eat outside. I am even surprised I concentrated this long to type this entry, but then again, my foot is tapping wildly as if it is having an epileptic seizure as I type. okay, until next time! Bye!
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