Quick Trip to Orlando

So this will be rather short, but I have had an intersting and exciting past few days. First, Wednesday night was Obama's first State of the Union Address; I will make my comments on that tomorrow. Second, Thursday was a bizzare day.

My Thursday's summary: woke up to snow, fed 200 hungry/homeless, confirmed an interview, then at 4.15 I bought a 6.25pm flight to Orlando! So in less than 2 hours, I had to pack for a week, prepare for my interview, get to the airport, and leave. Phew! I made it.

It is all a blur now, but somehow i landed here. I am in Orlando, sitting in my old room. It is a bit surreal. It feels good to be back, but at the same time, I feel distant from it. I have some business to attend to on tomorrow (Monday), so let's hope it goes well.

This weekend was great. I made it to Orlando on Thursday, and Friday we left for a three day road trip. Me and three others drove from Orlando to Jeckyll Island, GA. There was not much in Jeckyll Island. It was a rocky barrier beach, a state park, and home to three restaurants that closed at 9pm. We enjoyed an afternoon photo shoot on the beach with some local music and good cuisine for dinner. Our hotel was, interesting. A bit small for 4 people, especially since my feet hung off the end of the bed.

Saturday morning, we left Jeckyll Island for Savannah, where we met Kyle, my brother. He became our own personal tour guide. He showed us South African lunch, a personal tour around the city, a look into his artistic world, and some humor despite the nasty weather. This is where I learned of Paula Dean. Her restuarant for all Food Network junkies is there. My party could not have been more estatic. Thank you Kyle for the wonderful afternoon. I miss you!!

Sat afternoon through Sunday afternoon, we drove to St. Augustine, the oldest town in the US. It’s history was definitely the main attraction. Once again, awful weather, but we had fun. We went shopping, tried gator tails, loved Holiday Inn, and saw our own version of the Fountain of Youth.

We got back to Orlando around 6pm tonight. Overall it was a fun trip. Glad I did it. Learned a lot. Good company. Yay for a weekend out of the north; nice break. I was also glad to get away from the computer too.

Day with Grandma

Today was just a normal day in the average life at home for me.  The only thing that made it truly spectacular was I spent all day with my grandmother.  

For those of you who do not know my family, my grandmother is the most important influence I have in my life.  I have been blessed to know both of them very well, especially to have one living just down the street (maybe actually 6 blocks).  Having my mom's mom so close to us has its advantages.  I get to see her whenever I want.  Due to this closeness, she and I have formed the most special relationship anyone could ever ask for.  

Most people look at my grandmother and understand immediately that she is a kind and gentle spirit, but she is so much more than that.  She is my best friend, my mentor, my guardian angel.  I cannot imagine a day without her.  In fact, I tell her more about my life than I do my own mother and friends.  She and I share the same beliefs, hopes, dreams, and faith.  She is my rock.

We have some people who comment on our relationship saying, "I could only wish my granddaughter would love me as much as you love her."  Some say it's inspirational, and I cannot deny it.

Okay, with all of this understood, that would explain why I spent all day with her today.  I have recently lost my grandfather, her husband whom she was married for 54 years.  When I talked to my grandmother the night he passed, she told me, "I need you here.  For me."  I knew then that my time in Florida was going to be cut short.  I miss grandfather very much, and it is often hard to go to their house without feeling some loss.  It makes me wonder, if I get sad, than how is my grandmother doing?  

She is so strong.  I love the way she looks at life and deals with it.  I never see her upset despite how stressed she must be with his recent passing.  I am afraid to leave her alone, so I make sure we see each other about every other day.  We have even discussed me moving in with her just to keep her company.  But her company is one of the true blessings of being home.  What more could I ask for?  She is the most beautiful woman I have ever known, and I only wish I could be half of what she is some day.

Since I have been home, our activities and outings have ranged from: lunch at her house, her home cooked meal dinners, movies (such as Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, The Proposal, In Good Company), drinking at Starbucks, and much more.  As much as she says she needs me, I need her just as much.  Seeing her makes living back at home all worth it.

So today was another great day.  We had lunch at Charlie Browns, one of the three restaurants in town, watched some youtube videos, baked cookies, had dinner with my family, and watched Glee.  Nothing spectacular, but at the same time, extra special.

Even though we have a two-generation age difference, our lives seem to have many parallels.  The one we talk about a lot is our seperation from our closest friends.  I will share stories of my times with my roommate in Florida as she will of my grandfather.  We talk about how our time was cut short, how much we miss them, and how much we miss being with them.  This has made our transition so much easier for both of us.

My grandmother makes me realize how much I can accomplish in this world, and she makes me want to be better.  She shows and lives me the true definition of love.  Nothing can express how much a hug, or a hand rub, or any type of affection means from her.  If I ever feel scared or lonely, I know she will always be there.  She has been there through all of my worries, even when I call her as she tries to sleep at night.  She tells me of my future's potential, gives great and critical advice, speaks with an open mind free of bias, and always says, "I love you" at the end of each conversation.  She is the pentacle of unconditional love.

Too sappy?  I think not.  This is how I feel, and I want to express it.  I love my grandmother very much, and saying those words cannot even measure all that I feel for her.  I am so happy she is in my life.  I just pray she is able to get through this tough time knowing that I support her, whole-heartedly and unconditionally.   I love you, grandma! xoxox

I cannot wait to see her again tomorrow. :):)

Orlando, a place called home

It is the end of another day, another day where I am not sure what I accomplished.  Each day feels like the one before it, and each weekday feels like a weekend, where no real significant events separate and define the days.  Some would call this a vacation, but I consider it the longest transition ever.

As of tonight, I left Orlando, Florida a month ago today. For those who do not know me, I work during breaks at Walt Disney World, but I recently had to leave.  The circumstances for why I left are insignificant now other than they were really out of my control.  Yes, I knew I was eventually going to leave soon, and I really just needed life to tell me when that time was.  That happened.  I left.  Honestly, if life didn't take control like I prayed it would, I don't think I would have left.  

I am the type of person who just wants to feel comfortable and like I fit in to my environment.  I never got that feeling with Boston (which will be explained in a later entry), and I never really felt that with my high school buddies.  Sure, I was liked and got along with others, but I never felt a coherent part of a group.  Of the group of girls I hung out with in high school, I don't see them that much because my dreams, goals, and personalities have always been different than others.  I have always been a bit of an outsider.  I don't mind it now, but it was awful during those middle school years.

Anyway, Orlando is basically the only place where I feel I can be totally me.  Totally free.  I explain to those who know me that I have two sides: my serious/northeastern side and my silly side.  I LOVE the person who I am when my silly side dominates.  In Orlando, I laugh as if I have never laughed before, act as if I am the super star in my own play, and honestly, I don't care who sees me.  When I am in NJ, I am expected to be serious, ambitious, professional, and well...reserved.  It is just the northeast way of life. 

Maybe it's the difference in culture, lifestyle, whatever; but I don't think so, for most of my friends I have in Orlando are not originally from Orlando.  They cross the whole span of the USA.  It is not the area that makes me love my life in Orlando, it is the people, the friendships.

These friendships are hard to explain to others outside of the Disney area, but there is just a strong and undeniable bond you have with any person you meet there.  People meet so easily because we all have given up a life back at home to be here, all here for the same reason: we all felt an urge to be there.  This bond becomes so strong, what would take 5 years in a friendship to know someone would take 5 weeks here.  This bond of everyone having to work together, live together, hang together, you actually HAVE to become friends or else you will be miserable.  People here come in and out so quickly, but we always find a way to come back.

This strong connection that I have with these people, is what many go without in a lifetime, and I am so lucky that I have experienced.  Looking back at it now, I can say that Orlando was where I became an adult.  I never felt so happy with myself, I learned so much of my good and bad qualities.  It has brought out the good in me.  It was my coming of age story.

This is why I have been going back for 3.5 years.  This is why I went back for 7 months after graduation. The friendships that I have feel as if they are unbreakable.  I wish I could take my friends with me wherever I go in life, but I know that cannot happen.

Orlando itself is not an area I would ever want to live life permanently, it is where I escape from it.  It is hard for my friends and family to get why I leave so often, and it is hard to tell my FL friends why I don't stay.  I just hope they get it eventually. 

But all good things come to an end.  I left a month ago today, and this day became the hardest day of my, young adult life.  Not an inch of my body and heart wanted to leave what is my home, but duty called.  It is hard to say that I am moving on, because I know it will never officially end for me.  As long as my friends are there, then I have a home to go back too, and how long can one deny returning home?

I believe whole heartedly that things happen for a reason.  I may not have been ready to leave a month ago, but there was a purpose to why I did.  I may not ever understand it, but it is all part of the plan.

This last month has been full of emotions.  Sadness, loneliness, fear, hope, happiness, anger, excitement... you name it I have felt it and still feel it.   

If you ask me "How am I doing?" Well...I am doing a LOT better. The days are getting easier.  At first I could barely hold back tears as I realized my move back home meant no independence. I felt as if I failed. I failed and came back with nothing more than 30 bucks to show for it.  Now the days go by with little to no excitement.  I wake up at 11.30, do sudoku, ride the excercise bike, go on the computer and apply for jobs.  That is my day.  There are days I get sad, but I realize that something bigger is coming.  I do not have tears anymore, but just the occasional sadness filled with great anxiousness.

I am realizing the fact that life is not meant to be planned and predictable, it's just the opposite. I am just glad I finally found the place and the people that I just click with, even if it was only meant to be temporary.  

I miss FL, Disney, my friends, my apt...my roommate especially.  I just cannot wait to return one day.  I just hope life points me in the right direction again because I surrender all control.

Thank you Orlando for your hospitality.  

It has been a month back in NJ.  Only God knows how much longer.

 

Unnerving Instability...

So it is the end of another week, and the beginning of a promising new one; except, I have no idea what to look forward too.  You see, life has really changed a lot for me in the last few weeks, and months.  Actually, now that I look back at it, I have never really had a moment of stability since high school.  

Ever since I went to school in Boston, every semester brought on new adventures.  My college experiences spanned various locations from Boston, Orlando, Chatham, New Zealand, Los Angeles, and various travel locations.  Confusing?  Try explaining this to strangers:  I went to school in Boston, while living/from Chatham, NJ, working in Orlando, and interning abroad.  Not the easiest summary, but hey, that was my life for the past 4 years.  

I spent only 5 semesters actually on campus, and graduated in 3.5 years and took a semester off for Orlando.  All except freshman year, I had a different roommate each semester.  I was abroad my entire senior year, and traveled to the other side of the world.  Through all of this, I have been through my fair shares of ups and downs.  And unfortunately, as I am quickly learning, life is not getting any easier.  Despite my various locations throughout my college career, I would say I had an ordinary experience like anyone else.

Anyway, more on college in another entry.  The point I am getting too, is that life is at such a crossroads right now, and I do not know where to turn.  I am looking for a direction, for a purpose, for a job, for a new start, and to claim my life as an adult, but life is still unstable.

I lived in Florida for 7 months prior to moving back home unexpectedly last month, and now I am back to where I started.  Has any progress been made?  Not sure.  And because life is so unsure at this moment,  I cannot tell you where I will be next week or when I plan on leaving.  It just depends on what job comes through.  I may just have to get up and go on a moment's notice, or I could be here for a year (God, I hope not).  I guess it is exciting, but it is more nerve-racking than i ever thought.  Life's stability isn't any easier than it was trying to figure out what college i would get accepted into.  I guess that is life's true lesson during this time.  

Oh well, I still have a lot to learn, and a lot to look forward too.  I am excited for life, and I am excited to move and find that stable location.  I may not be there forever, but I want a place to call my home away from home... to call my own.  I cannot wait for that day.

Down with instability! 

Blogging = new diary?

Welcome to blogging!  

Well, I guess this can be thought of as my first, real, current diary.  As a kid, I was never into diaries.  Easily frustrated with the fact my head thought faster than my hand could write, I gave up ever putting my thoughts down on paper.  My first diary has maybe 10 pages filled out from my 6 year-old self; and that includes some poorly attempted drawing.  I was never really one for the written word.  

But with recent events, my state of mind has been changing.  I have realized that I want to capture this time of transition in life forever.  Now just seems appropriate to start because my life seems so simple, yet it's so complicated in thoughts, anxieties and emotions.  Everynight I have the thoughts that go round and round in my head to the point I cannot sleep.  Surely I am not the only one, but I am tired of not doing anything about it.  

So this blog will be the beginning of a new experiement.  Let's see how long it lasts, since all of my previous dairies have really only had about 2 entries per book.  Maybe this time will be different.  I cannot make any promises, but I do promise to try my hardest, and to be as honest as possible.  With those two guidelines being the only regulations I have for this "diary" I guess I am excited to see what I have to offer you fellow strangers.  

To that...hello diary.  hello blog.  Here are the thoughts of my life: dramatic (maybe), random, biased, honest, and... overexposed.