One Moment: A Life-Changing Instant

I know this is late, but I mean to publish this on Friday, however, life's events got in the way. Let me explain.

This past week since my last entry, was one week of random events. Each of these random events were strong reminders to me that life can change on a moment's notice. All you need is one instananeous moment to change the very direction of your life. It seemed to come in good and bad forms for me this week. Nothing happened to me personally, it was affected by those around me.

One moment would be relating to a distant friend of mine whom I have only worked with for 2 months last fall. She was in a dreadful car accident that shattered her pelvis. For months, she is confined to the walls of her house, and the world of her family where she has to learn to walk again and stand. This accident, although 1.5 months ago, has made me realize that no one is able to predict the future. My friend's strength, courage and faith has been sooo inspiring to me, I do not wake up a day without praying for her recovery. I can only compare it to how I would handle it, I really don't think I could. It made me realize that I have to be so grateful for what I have and those around me.

The second moment related to my roommate. This past Wednesday night, my roommate got really sick and went to the hospital. Apparently, she had an unrepairable infected gall bladder, and had emergency surgery to remove it. I have been trying to take care of her as best I could over the last few days, but her mother flew in to do just that. Her incident was so fast to develop it blew my mind. All you need is that one moment for your life to change whether it is a week or months to your entire destiny.

There were also a few other events with friends throughout the country. One had a performed as Darth Maul in front of George Lucas, another got a phone call answering the prayer for a leadership position, etc. Personally, I have not been able to get the idea of an earthquake out of my head as they have been in my dreams the last few nights.

With all of these outside events happening around me, I have come to terms that life can/will change. All you need is one simple moment. That is it. Our very existence can come down to one split second. Depending on how you view the world, you can take this as pure positivity, meaning the world has so many possibilities that something miraculous can happen. Or, you can see it as purely negative: it is just a moment for your life to be ruined.

Personally, I would like to think I am the positive one. Although there seems to be more bad stuff than good in the world these days from crimes, accidents, you name it, there also seems to be tons of good: travel anywhere on a moment's notice, your big break, winning the lottery, finding your true love, etc. There can be so much that can happen.

What I am getting at is never underestimate the potential of your day to day life. Each day can become something amazing or something you never expected.

I will apply this to my temp job and every aspect of my life. I am waiting for my moment. My Big Break. I am praying for the day my current department says, "You're hired." I cannot wait to hear those words from anybody. The day I do, I think I will just cry tears of happiness.

By looking at how those who face hardships are so grateful and genuine, I have come to realize that my life, as sometimes boring as it can be, is actually amazing. I will take the cons of this position and make them positive. I cannot dweal and worry so much on the tiny details. While others are needing help to walk, I can at least walk into the Walt Disney Studios, as I have imagined in my room as a teenager, and say I am here. By seeing that perspective, my life is awesome.

I will take every moment of my day and fill it with something. I can never predict what is coming around the corner, but I sure hope that I remain grateful for my life, my friends, and my family. Only I can make it worthwhile... even on a moment's notice. I cannot wait for my moment to arrive.

The Next Chapter Begins

So Thursday 3/18, was a big day for me. I had meetings set up throughout the day, so I spent the entire day in LA. I had to make a meeting at 10:30am, which is a good time, but when the commute is 60 miles and on the worst highway for congested traffic in the nation, time is really against you. I left at 8:15am, after dropping my aunt off at work, and drove of highway 5. I had to take that from Laguna Beach to Burbank. I thought I had time, but traffic was obviously an obstacle. My aunt lent me her car for the day, which was great, but it was hard driving an unfamiliar car on unfamiliar roads with intense conditions. Anyway, I made it at 10:15am, and that wasn’t even bad traffic, just the tail end of rush hour.

My meeting went well. It was an informal interview or meeting with two contacts I met previously in April. I maintained contact with them every month since, and it looks like it has led to a job. Although it is not full time, it is a temporary position that will last through June. I will work Monday-Friday, 9-6, until then. I am so blessed because it is literally a dream come true! Not only do I have a way to survive for a few months in LA, I get a chance to save by making decent money, I get a job before I moved out there (I have known about this for almost a month), AND it is working for my dream company! I guess I can officially say it now:

Although it is temporary, I am the new employed Cast Member for Walt Disney Studios!!!

Ahhh! I have worked so hard to get a chance, and I got it. I got it all on my own. No one helped me, and I was told it wasn’t going to happen. I am so proud of myself. It felt great walking on the Disney lot with all the other executives that I have wanted to be and knowing that I belong there just as much as they do. I just hope it leads to more opportunities.

I feel very comfortable with this chance; I could not have asked for more. I guess the last 10 months since graduation may have paid off. Although I must remind you it is only through June, unless they get approval to go full time. We will see I guess. That is the biggest news of the day.

The rest of the day was wonderful. I drove around the city for a bit, and I didn’t realize just how much I have forgotten. I could not remember street names or directions. I just knew what they looked like visually, but not enough to know my way around. I was actually overwhelmed, because it scared me how out of place I felt. It was like returning home for the first time in months, and you cannot remember the exact locations of what you used to be familiar. I guess it will take time, and I have that.

After driving around (I was actually beyond lost for almost an hour), I went to meet up with an email contact I have had for three months. He runs a top make up and special effects studio. I walked in not knowing what to expect, but it was actually a pleasant trip. It made me realize just how different artistic and business people operate. These guys were artists. First, the office was a mess, pets were all throughout the building, and their “to do list” was written in their heads. They were so laid back, it amazes me they get things done. Their business seems to be run by “whatever happens happens” motto. Also, there were bloody horror masks and body parts all over the walls, along with posters of which they worked. My favorite touch was the Pirates posters, since he worked on the make up of those films, and of course, the Emmy.

He took me into the back of his studio where the artists were working on bullet wounds in clay and bulging intestines of puddy. Hundreds of heads were around and finished gruesome creatures. Crazy work though! I could not imagine making something like that. They are gifted.

Anyway, my conversation with my contact was pleasantly nice. He was open to my questions and explaining his way of life. He even said that if I were to ever get bored, just to come over to the studio. If I needed a friend, he offered himself as well as his staff as people to lean on. “We are family now,” he said. If I wanted to hang out after work and get a drink with them, I very easily could. His friendliness was not what I would expect from a veteran LAer. He even said that if I ever got lost, needed anything, had car trouble, whatever, to call him and let him know. He would look out for me. How much of that is true, I don’t know, but it was wonderful to be welcomed by a someone.

He also talked about opportunities to work with him this summer on some films he is working on developing. He may give me the chance to produce, meet the top producers he works with, etc. He even told me he would help me try to get on Pirates 4 (since he is working on the make up)!! I just hope he really follows through with his word. I will take it if it comes, I remain skeptical, but I hope for the best.

Then after meeting with him, I drove back to my old internship on the Universal lot. I met with those I worked with before to see how they were doing. I was so surprised on how happy people were to see me. I had dinner planned with my friend who is an executive assistant now, but I had to wait 1.5 hours for her to finish work. So I just talked to everyone. I was welcomed back by them all, even the ones I had a hard time working for.

I felt so much support from them it was amazing. They all asked me what my current situation was, and I said job hunting but working temporarily. They offered all of their resources to help me out because I was a stand out intern and one of the best. They even went as far to say that the first available position that comes up, I will be the first hired. I don’t know if that is true, but just the notion that they said that was amazing. I was also involved in some confidential discussions, and all I can say is “wow” to many of their projects. I guess working for one of the top TV Production companies in America has its perks.

It made me realize, I am so glad and happy I never burned any bridges. Ever. Even to those I did not like, I just put up with the work last year, and now, I have their full support. I know have contacts I didn’t know I had. This makes me really excited for the future.

The dinner I had with my friend was really nice. I learned just how hectic her life became, but enjoyed every moment. We ate up at Universal City walk in the Panda Garden, I think, it was Chinese. I didn’t finish eating till 9:15pm!

It was a full day. I left straight after that to Orange County. What took me 2 hours that morning, took less than an hour at night. I am just grateful I made it back.

Overall, this day was overwhelming with support and kindness. I landed a job (temporary) to start on Monday for my dream company, met with new contacts, saw LA, met with old contacts, and caught up with friends. What more could I ask for? What a great way to come back to LA.

I just feel like I can actually get somewhere now. At least I have the time too, and a gig that will buy me some time to survive. I just hope I make my parents proud. In fact I texted my mom telling her she would be proud of me today. I did everything on my own: endured the worst commute, get around unfamiliar areas, meet with people I pursued to network with, and landed a job with no one’s help but my own. To my happiness my mom responded, “I am very proud of U! U r well on ur way!” I guess that is true, it is my way, and I guess this is what true independence is beginning to feel like. It is good to have it back.

I have no idea how long I will stay in LA, but that is not to worry about now. It may not be my ideal living situation (like Orlando), but it has the opportunities I need at the moment. It is in God’s hands, and it seems my prayers and dreams are beginning to come true. What a good feeling.

Now I may be over exaggerating, but I haven’t felt this positive about something in a loooong time, so I will take in the moment. Well done, Ashley! 10 months of waiting post grad are over, and now, as my friend said perfectly, “The next chapter begins…”

I am worried about the commute on Monday, because I may have to leave at 6am to get there by 9am. I am exploring the idea of taking the train, but LA’s train system is not well developed. For that, I miss NYC. However, it may be the least stressful method until I get my car out here, and move into my own apartment, but it would take up the same amount of time. We will see. That is for another discussion.

It just seems like things are starting to fall into place a little bit. I praise God for that. What a wonderful start. For the first time, I realized it was like my mom’s other text, “Today is the first day of the rest of your life.” To that, here it goes… “The Next Chapter Begins…”

Where is my Peter Pan?

Alright, so maybe I have not been completely fair. I realize that my last post was a bit strong, and I seemed to complain a lot. I do not want to come across as spoiled or ungrateful to anyone. So if I do, I am sorry; that was not my intention. I just wanted to get over what I was feeling.

Anyway, as I looked back at my posts, not just yesterday's, but all posts, it seems that it may not be illustrating myself in the best light. I know that what I say is mostly about my anxiety, frustration, and inpatience with life. I just want to say, that I am not all negative. Yes, I let negative thoughts or energies rule me perhaps more than they should, but I am generally a really positive person. I believe things all happen for a reason, and politeness should be used by all human beings. As much as I am frustrated with being home and unable to get started on my career, I know that something big is coming. I keep a positive attitude because for every minute you spend upset, is a minute of happiness you'll never get back. I don't like to get upset, and I don't like people to see me get that way. It is a side of me that may not be my brightest colors.

Okay, excuse that rant. My point is, I see what I have written, and I realize... when did I finally decide to grow up? As far as I know, I don't think I have had a deciding moment in life to where I became an adult. Like in Finding Neverland, Mr. Barrie's character tells the oldest son, George, "The boy is gone. In the last 30 seconds, you became a grown up." Have a had my moment? We always hear of a "coming of age" story, such as Catcher In the Rye or in a movie like "Now and Then". But outside of theatrical life, is there such a defining moment? Or does the transition just happen over time?

As I sit here in my room typing this, I look around. Although my room is painted like a teenage room, I believe there are elements of sophistication, and proof that I have gotten older.; whether it is through my pictures of my time in Florida or my Boston University Diploma hanging on my bookshelf. But overall, I still see so many remants of my girlhood. I have about 30 pillows I made in middle school, the stuffed animals I slept with when I was five, the rediculous pastels and pinks that really just conflict with the rest of my room. Looking at this, I realize that I do not want that anymore. I want to either donate my stuff or throw it out. This is what gets me, I have NEVER thought those thoughts before. When did I finally outgrow my room, my stuff, my childhood? I don't need this items, and I do not necessarily want them. Never have a felt such a disconnect to my childhood or my room. When did home become so unfamiliar?

I know that this is the "you are becoming an adult" stage in my life. Yay, I have made it! But... I am not so happy. I have loved my childhood. I love everything about being young, discovering who you are, and dreaming. Although I rarely divuldged in normal kids acitvities (I have always been more mature for my age and a rather serious kid), I still feel like I am a kid at heart. When I am happy, you know that I am happy! I still feel I have the same curiosity for the world as I did when I was six. Heck, I still have the same dreams from when I was six.

Luckily, I have never been told by my parents, "It's time to grow up." They never pressured me into finding a serious, more respectable profession. To that, I am eternally grateful. I remember my first job, I worked at my local one room theater. I was so happy to be working somewhat in the "film" industry, I guess I was smiling a bit to much as they walked out.

One of the guests made it a point to come up to me and said, "I have never seen a smile so bright. You are a kid at heart. Never, ever lose that. The world needs that."

"I won't. I promise," I said. I will make it a duty of mine not too.

So here I am at the verge of adulthood, and saying goodbye to my childhood as I am about to leave the nest in the upcoming weeks. I have always feared getting older because I love the spirit of being young, and I never want it to end. So I am waiting by my window every night, waiting for him to arrive. Where is Peter Pan when you need him most?! Am I like Wendy, who has to grow up because society expects her too? Even when she does, she never stops believing in her past. I guess being Wendy would not be such a bad thing afterall.

As much as I want to remain young, I know I need to make a life for my own. I just wish Peter would come and save me, even if it is only for a short time. I feel as if I am not ready for such a big step, then simultaneously, I feel as if the world is mine to own.

I don't think I will have a defining moment to prove I have become an adult. Or maybe I did and just don't know it. Or, maybe that will be they day I move out. Not sure. I know I could never say goodbye to my youth, but then I have also never felt so strangely distant from it. I just hope this distance actually diminishes rather than grow over my lifetime. I never want to regret.

I guess change has come, is coming, and will come. I just need to take it one step at a time. I look at my life and see so much potential. I get so excited I want to scream with excitement at times, but then I also have my hesitations and fears like anyone else.

So until I actually decide I am an adult, here I am... a kid of 23... in my childhood room...holding onto my teddy... waiting for Peter to come through my window.