Anyone Want to Use Talent?

I am afraid I am about to sound a bit bi-polar in this entry compared to the last one with more excitement, but I think you are all used to that by now.

I guess I have hit another funk today, and it seems to be affecting my mood. I think it has a large part to do with my broken back this week (I have a slipped disk and it's really killing me at this very moment.). Even with a broken back, I seem to feel lost for a direction again.

I really feel I have slowed down the pace of my life since Ihave returned from NJ a great deal. It is nice to just take life one day at a time. However, I am now borderlining boredom! I hate, hate, hate boredom. There are so many other things I want to do with my life, and being bored just unnerves me.

Work has been super, super slow, which is unusual for a production office, and when I do work it is all the straight forward filing, copy, scan. It is all intern work except for the $$$. I am fine with it, but I am feeling stifled. I am feeling underused and not reaching my full potential.

I WANT A JOB THAT USES MY TALENTS!! I want to be a leader, I want to be used for my strengths. I am a STRONG organizer, strong multi-tasker who is very meticulous to every details. I love being in charge of the puzzle and making all the pieces fit. I am creative and I need a fast apced-creative work enviornment.

I want to be important and have lots of responsibilities. I am not searching for fame, that is dumb, but I am looking to be important to others for what I do at work. This is the "super career" I have previsouly mentioned. I want to move up the ranks, USE MY BRAIN to solve issues. I want to be challenged in a creative way. I am always proud of my work, so I want to be important and the best at what I do, darn it!! Why is this so hard to find a job?!

I know I need to start from the ground up, and I am. But i feel I am not getting anywhere once again. I am not producing, I am not getting the basic ground work done that I need. I just applied for a job that would allow me to start the ground work for Good Morning America, and I was just told they closed the position.

Temping is great, but I feel like I am putting all of my eggs into one basket. I am not being challenged intellectually; it is all straight forward. I am tired of asking the smallest question which seems to undermine my true intelligence. They are not going to just hand me a job. I need to start pushing and meeting again, so within the last few hours, I have reached out to about 5 new execs with no responses as of yet.

I feel like my brain is rotting. I am a girl who's identity was through excelling in academics as a kid and in college. I want to be known for being smart, and have people want to use me for those issues.

Due to my stifled conditions, I have had the notion I cannot trust the world to do anything for me no matter how hard I try. I need to take actions into my own hands. I have had the idea of starting an organizing service as a way to make money for clients who need that. I have thought of starting my own production company, but I have no collateral for that. I have had the ideas of children's story books for me to write which have popped into my head. I was even thinking of hair modeling since this is the talent capital of the world.

I feel lost for a direction in my career, and really bummed in the fact that I am no where near landing a job again. Why can I not find a job? I am just soooo frustrated because I feel like I am missing my chance to get the foundation set for a great career. Am I not going to get there? How can I be successful when this much time has elapsed and I don't have much to show for it?

Maybe I was not meant for a career and the idea of being a stong leader/businesswoman is just silly. I don't mean to be a Debbie Downer for anyone, but I am really low in spirit this week, which is not like me. It sucks being in a funk.

I have to trust God that it will all work out, but I am in real need of company. I am in need of a friend and a hug today. I feel so far away from everything that I want, love and need. Please tell me it will all work out. I feel so lost again, and I want to just get to where I was meant to be. What is my calling?!!? Why can I not find it yet after all this year has put me through?!

Okay, I am going to go cool off. Sorry for this really morbid note. I just want to use my talents and not feel so bored. Does anyone have an opening for talent? I am available.