A Week Home: Perspective

(for today!!)

I cannot believe how quickly a week has gone by! I feel like I just got home, and now it feels like a dream. I am flying back to LA as I write this, and it is weird knowing I have a life to return too.

This week was full of many great family times, especially yesterday, as we had our traditional family BBQ. It was more of my sister’s going away party, but we celebrated it with our grandmother, her extended family, and our cousins who live behind us. I realize just how truly blessed I am to have the family I have. It makes returning back to a life that is pretty unstable, and unpredictable harder to do. Do I really want to be in LA that much to give up on such a wonderful place to call home?

Maybe it is the wonderful season where June Gloom does not exist, maybe it is the family spirit of celebrating big life events, I am not sure, but I can say leaving home this time was a little harder than I expected.

I am not sure what I am returning too, but I guess it is the start of my career. I got some good perspective while I was away about where I am, and how to clear my head. I have realized I need to slow down. I cannot rush any of this. It will all happen on God’s time, and I am jut going along for the ride. For the first time in my life, I am not rushing to beat out the competition because I am in, maybe not permanently, but I am in! I am so used to competing with others in sports, academics, college stats, finishing a job, etc. My whole life has been a competition with friends, enemies, siblings, myself. I have realized that I can now relax for a bit, and that is a huge deal for me.

I feel like I can head back to LA understanding that what will happen will happen. I am not there forever, but I am there to figure out a new direction. That leads me to another point. I have decided that if I am not hired in 6 months, then I will return home or to Orlando to work. There are more chances in Orlando for work. It may not be the “Super Career” I have always envisioned for myself, but I am starting to think I would be okay with that. I am also going to let up on pushing for a social life. I will kepe it going, but I shouldn’t try to force it to happen. I do not need to be as antsy and rushed. I will learn to slow my pace down.

In addition, I am surprised on myself just how much I realized I want to have a family someday, and how I would do anything to have it be as successful as the one I currently have. Maybe having a “super career” as I thought is not what I may want in the future. Maybe I do not have to beat out the competition to become the next Jerry Bruckheimer. I am not giving up on my career, no way, I am just seeing it in a different light. I want something steady that I enjoy while having a family. Maybe Orlando is where that will happen. Only God knows.

I also realized I want to push this TV realm. I have some contacts with shows and programs in NYC now. Maybe it is time I really reach out to them and push for something. If the Studios aren’t meant for me, well at least I can say I accomplished my goal of working for them.

I think I will head back with my head held high, but just a bit homesick. Homesick for something stable, homesick for my family, and homesick for my future.

I look forward to where I go, and I do not need to be in LA forever to do it. Let’s see where the next 6 months takes me. Each week has been different from the last thus far, so who knows what will happen. I look forward to enjoying the ride.