HOME… Definitely Where the Heart Is!

(written Monday, May 23^rd)

So I am back on the EAST COAST!!! I cannot believe it has been 9 months! I have been waiting for this day to come. A chance to just clear my head, and relax being home. I cannot tell you how good this feels!

Winter is gone, but the weather is still ADD. I landed at 1:30am on Saturday. The country has been filled with rough storms, including record # of tornadoes, so I face a few delays. We made an emergency stop 100 miles away from my first destination because we were running out of fuel and could not wait in the air for the weather to clear up. Anyway, the weather at home has been chilly. Only a high of near 60, so I am back in my pants and sweaters for now. The sun has not shown in 3 days. Just cloudy rain clouds without the rain. I will take it because I really miss thunderstorms!! I hope to hear thunder while I am here.

My first day home was great. I spent time with my sister peppering the volleyball in the backyard (it’s our old pastime). We also had a good heart-to-heart chat about her upcoming year playing for Marquette Volleyball. I am so proud of her and all she has done! Stay with it, Casey!

After playing for a few hours, our brother and father joined in! Our dad likes to see how high he can hit the ball in the air, and he can hit the top of the trees!! The afternoon was just family time in the backyard until dinner. The five of us plus our grandmother went out to Outback Steakhouse for some good steak dinners. It was delicious!

I am so happy to see my grandmother. She means the world to me, and she is what coming home is all about. It was almost surreal knowing I was in Monterey just yesterday and now I am eating with my family in Jersey! Nuts!

Saturday was supposedly the day of Rapture…the end of the world. Although it was a crazy idea, there were some really dark clouds that formed over head just a few minutes before 6pm! If I was going to die, and least I was with my family! Luckily, no Rapture happened, but now it won’t until October, so who knows!

After dinner, we all went out to Red Mango for dessert. Delicious! Our night soon turned out to be movie night. We were all in our food comas, so we watched the commercial-free movie of PIRATES: At World’s End on tv. Then after that, we also watched Tangled. YAY Disney Family night! Corny as it sounds, it was an ideal night to have during the end of the world.

Sunday, yesterday, I said goodbye to Casey. I know she is going to do well this summer and season for school. After she was gone, we just relaxed! I saw my cousins for about 15 minutes as they stopped by, and I watched tv with my parents. At night, we had Taylor Pork Roll sandwiches!! This is by far one of the biggest things I miss!!! Delicious!

After dinner, I played Scrabble with my parents. I lost of course, but they will “always” be a lot smarter than me. :D It was a great game.

That takes us to today, Monday. I cleaned out my entire room! I went through all my clothes, junk, and papers. I am so proud of all everything I threw out. I know some charity will be really happy. It feels great to be in such a clean room and comfy bed once again.

There really is no substitute for sleeping in your own bed. It is just a priceless commodity that tells you everything is okay.

What a great first weekend home! Taylor pork roll, steak dinner, BAGELS, family games, seeing grandma and cousins, and no agenda!! Perfect!

I hope tomorrow is just as grand. Until then… night!

Diagnosis, Doctor!

(written for Monday 9/27- Thursday 9/30)

I am almost on my way to getting my back fixed! YAY!!

Since I have been home, I have been going to the NJ Spine Center in Chatham, NJ. They have been wonderful, and the doctors are really easy to talk too.

I have had an idea for the last few months what is wrong with it, and I can now say... I was right! I knew my disk in my lower back was out of alignment which was leading to a pinched nerve in my left leg, but I did not know what I would have to do about it.I had an MRI done last week, and those images made my back look like a piece of meat! It was so weird to see those detailed images of yourself, but awesome at the same time.

Anyway, long story short, I have a degenerative disk in my lower back, specific to the L5S1 disk. That is right where my tailbone meets my hips basically. The disk has lost its elasticity and fluid, so it is cracking and dying. It will never be fixed, but my body will slowly get rid of it like a splinter. However, the disk is pinching my nerve to my left leg, which is why I cannot sit, sleep, walk or flex my foot without pain. Because it is being pinched, it is really swollen, and we need to calm the nerve down and make it realize it is okay with the disk invading its privacy. To do that, I have a few options, but settled on one.

We were thinking of getting an epidural injection of the steroids/anti-inflammatories into the site where it hurts, but I would rather try something noninvasive, especially since we don't know how long that will last. I will perhaps need surgery down the road, but not now this early in my life. So the last option is to use physical therapy to strengthen my core back muscles and take the anti-inflammatories.

The Doctors said for me to have a healthy back the rest of my life and avoid this again in the future, I must stay in shape. I have to be physically active as much as possible. I took that as, I should try and avoid a desk job. The more I sit around, the more it will weaken my back. So I have to be active and moving for it to be healthy. The only catch is, I can barely move without pain, so how can I be active when it hurts?

That is what I am working on now. I got some exercises for my back and core that I must do everyday. It is in my own hands to heal myself. I am actually excited about this diagnosis because I now have to be active for my own health. I now have to be selective about a job for health reasons. So with this information, I will try to avoid a desk job as much as possible. I need to look for work that is half active and half desk. This I could not be more excited about anyway.

So here is to a new and healthier me! I am glad I have a good future with my back. But here is to a harder and more selective job search! great! (note sarcasm).

Anyway, thank you, mom and dad, for bringing me home and helping me out with the doctors. Mission to NJ accomplished!

Unnerving Instability...

So it is the end of another week, and the beginning of a promising new one; except, I have no idea what to look forward too.  You see, life has really changed a lot for me in the last few weeks, and months.  Actually, now that I look back at it, I have never really had a moment of stability since high school.  

Ever since I went to school in Boston, every semester brought on new adventures.  My college experiences spanned various locations from Boston, Orlando, Chatham, New Zealand, Los Angeles, and various travel locations.  Confusing?  Try explaining this to strangers:  I went to school in Boston, while living/from Chatham, NJ, working in Orlando, and interning abroad.  Not the easiest summary, but hey, that was my life for the past 4 years.  

I spent only 5 semesters actually on campus, and graduated in 3.5 years and took a semester off for Orlando.  All except freshman year, I had a different roommate each semester.  I was abroad my entire senior year, and traveled to the other side of the world.  Through all of this, I have been through my fair shares of ups and downs.  And unfortunately, as I am quickly learning, life is not getting any easier.  Despite my various locations throughout my college career, I would say I had an ordinary experience like anyone else.

Anyway, more on college in another entry.  The point I am getting too, is that life is at such a crossroads right now, and I do not know where to turn.  I am looking for a direction, for a purpose, for a job, for a new start, and to claim my life as an adult, but life is still unstable.

I lived in Florida for 7 months prior to moving back home unexpectedly last month, and now I am back to where I started.  Has any progress been made?  Not sure.  And because life is so unsure at this moment,  I cannot tell you where I will be next week or when I plan on leaving.  It just depends on what job comes through.  I may just have to get up and go on a moment's notice, or I could be here for a year (God, I hope not).  I guess it is exciting, but it is more nerve-racking than i ever thought.  Life's stability isn't any easier than it was trying to figure out what college i would get accepted into.  I guess that is life's true lesson during this time.  

Oh well, I still have a lot to learn, and a lot to look forward too.  I am excited for life, and I am excited to move and find that stable location.  I may not be there forever, but I want a place to call my home away from home... to call my own.  I cannot wait for that day.

Down with instability! 

Blogging = new diary?

Welcome to blogging!  

Well, I guess this can be thought of as my first, real, current diary.  As a kid, I was never into diaries.  Easily frustrated with the fact my head thought faster than my hand could write, I gave up ever putting my thoughts down on paper.  My first diary has maybe 10 pages filled out from my 6 year-old self; and that includes some poorly attempted drawing.  I was never really one for the written word.  

But with recent events, my state of mind has been changing.  I have realized that I want to capture this time of transition in life forever.  Now just seems appropriate to start because my life seems so simple, yet it's so complicated in thoughts, anxieties and emotions.  Everynight I have the thoughts that go round and round in my head to the point I cannot sleep.  Surely I am not the only one, but I am tired of not doing anything about it.  

So this blog will be the beginning of a new experiement.  Let's see how long it lasts, since all of my previous dairies have really only had about 2 entries per book.  Maybe this time will be different.  I cannot make any promises, but I do promise to try my hardest, and to be as honest as possible.  With those two guidelines being the only regulations I have for this "diary" I guess I am excited to see what I have to offer you fellow strangers.  

To that...hello diary.  hello blog.  Here are the thoughts of my life: dramatic (maybe), random, biased, honest, and... overexposed.