Letters to My 35 Year Old Self

I think about my future a lot, as every person does. I worry about it, I stress about it, and most importantly, I dream about it.

Well, with life being as crazy as it is at times, I often question, as I did in the last post, what my future will look like. I do not want to know the answer, but I wish I knew if I turned out fine or if life was worth all the worry it is now.

People ask me in interviews, “Where do you see yourself in ten years?” It is an interesting topic to thing about, but what is even more interesting is what will the 35 year old version of me be like? Will I still look and act the same? Will I have it all? Will I have nothing?

Despite these questions, I think one of the most interesting questions to ask is “What would my 35 year old self say to me in present day?” What advice would you have given yourself when you were younger? Would you have told yourself to be more confient? Be more outgoing? Be more cautious? What advice would you have given yourself knowing how you turn out?

Personally, I think the 35 year old version of myself would say to present-day me: don’t worry so much, and relax to enjoy the journey. I think these are the hardest two concepts for me to attempt. As you know, I am a hardcore worrywart! It is engrained in me; I was born this way. I worry about every step I take, every career path I choose. I am afraid to make a mistake, and because I am like that… (That leads me to point Number 2. )

…I need to enjoy the journey. Because I do worry so much, and I plan the future way further than I have control, I cannot enjoy the moment. I need to embrace my youth and have the time of my life. I need to let go and just be present.

Of course that is much easier said than done. Fortunately, these are the two concepts I am learning through my boyfriend. He has been telling me to relax and stop worrying since I met him. We are opposites in many ways, but this is how an opposite becomes a strength. He has shown me how to chill and enjoy each day as if it were our last. Who knows what the future holds, so how can we plan for it? As far as making a mistake goes, he repeats his newly adopted life motto: there is no right or wrong. Just A or B.

This new perspective does holds a lot of insight. I think if I can see the world through those lenses, maybe I will be able to strengthen my greatest weaknesses – patience and remaining calm.

Think about it…What would your 10 year old, older self say to you in present day? OR, what would your current self say to your future-self 10 years from now?

Dear 35-Year-Old Ashley,

I hope that when I meet you, I am able to look back upon my youth and be proud of how I survived, and hopefully be surrounded by great accomplishments and stories to share with you. I hope to be a happy and strong woman. I may not be near any version of you yet, but I hope to make you proud. I hope we turn out alright.

Until then… see you in 10 years.

PS. Any tips on how to stop worrying?

What I Want in Life

(written May 9^th)

Hey Bloggers,

Thanks for continuing to read with me over the last few posts. I have so many issues and topics I want to talk about, I can’t believe I went 7 months without posting. This post is one that I have been thinking about a lot, and it really stems from my time over Easter.

I want to use this post to look towards my future. By struggling trying to find a job, I can’t help but wonder what is in store for me 20 years from now. Sometimes I feel like a real failure for being almost 2 years out of school with no job, no money, depending on my parents to help out with some of my bills, and being so far away from them.

Then again, I can see my life as heavenly blessed, and it really is. I have such an amazing family that supports my cause out here. I have strong friendships that carry me through tough issues. I have been able to make a life out here for myself pursuing my dream of becoming a top television producer. I am rich in quality people in my life, I have a loving boyfriend who has been there for the last 7 months, and I have had so many great working experiences. I know I am doing pretty well out here.

But seeing my life now, I can see great room for improvement. Personally, I want to be a better community servant. I want to find and fight for an important cause, I want to contribute to a church or volunteer at a hospital. I just know that my time to commit is not there yet. I need my own life settled first before I can help others.

Professionally – well no need to talk about it. We know what I want…

I want to live a good life. I want to work hard for my success, but what I eventually want is a good, big family and a loving husband in a strong and stable home. I want to be able to host parties with my close family and friends in my nice house. I want to share my family traditions with my kids. I want to share everything with others, even including making finger sandwiches for Easter brunch.

I want a life full of great surprises, accomplishments and travel. I hope to be a world traveler and live abroad. I hope to accomplish a lot from my “Life Goals Book” (yes, I made one for myself).

But with the rate life has been happening, or lack of happening depending on how you look at it, I sometimes question if this is ever going to happen. Right now, it seems like it will never come to pass, but I refuse to give up. I want to be able to provide a great life for my family through a successful career and smart investments.

I do not know what my path will be and how I will get there, but I really hope what I want for my future will happen. I know it is all in God’s timing, but I am not getting any younger! :D In fact, based on what society expects of where I should be 2 years out of school at 24 years old, I am not doing to well… darn economy.

Anyway, despite my long term goals being out 20 years from now, the most immediate goal I look forward to coming true is having my own room. I cannot tell you how badly I want to buy my dream bed with pillows, and design the room to make my room my own personal sanctuary. I look forward to being able to say that I provided that for myself. Just not yet…

I just have to keep my head up. As my Dad continues to say, “You’re time is coming.”

Until then… I will continue to work hard and dream about what I want from life.