Over the past two years of struggling and job searching, I have not been able to participate and do some of the activities I have been wanting to do because I could not afford them. I put everything on the line for my career, including leaving my family. Well, now that I have my job, I feel like I can refocus my life and start over.
My new focus is: enjoying each day as it comes, try to live in the present, and try to better myself as a person physically, spiritually, mentally and socially. This may sound very simple and easy to implement, but it is actually quite hard.
First, as I said in the previous few entries, I have a very analytical brain. I analyze every situation sometimes to the point of obsessing, and it is a very natural process for me. This is also my down fall. It was almost my downfall in taking the job at Disney, it was almost my downfall in my first relationship as reasons not to pursue it, and now, it can be my downfall on how I enjoy life. I have come to realize that I live and plan way to much into the future (this will be another blog post coming up, just fyi), reasons will be for another day. But essentially, everything from high school until now was always about the future, or the next step. It was graduating high school, getting internships, graduating college, getting the job, etc. Now that i have the job, I don't have another step for a while to come except for my own personal goals like finding my own apartment or space to call my own.
Knowing that I don't have another immediate step for a while, I want to just breathe and relax for once and celebrate the fact that I am okay for right now. Everything was so tense with the job hunt and just trying to survive. I want to be able to slow down and be in the present because they future does not have to be figured out yet, or at least that is what I keep telling myself.
So in order for me to try and relax and enjoy life, I need to live in the now. I need to just learn to go with the flow and take it all as it comes. Being that this is so against my nature, I know it is going to be really hard. I just want to take this next year of my life and better myself as much as possible.
Physically, I want to get my body into good shape and treat it well. I will go back to strengthening my back as much as possible, hopefully by going to the gym 5 times a week ideally. I also need to take a better investment in my nutrition. It is not that I eat unhealthy, but I just don't put a good effort into trying to eat well. At this point I go grocery shopping until my food runs out, so what I end up eating are snack foods and not healthy choices. I need to refocus my nutritional habits especially for dinners. My breakfast and lunches are healthy, but my dinners are when I eat the worst: cereal, quesadillas, sandwiches, english muffins, pretty much non-meal foods.
Another physical point will be going to the doctor. I have not gone to the doctor in over two years because my insurance only covered me in NJ. Now that I get insurance benefits through work, I can go to the dentist, the chiropractor, various other doctors to check up on my health. I can now make this a good priority.
I am also trying to improve how I appear physically in daily life. I am not just talking about the gym, but I am talking about my fashion choices and makeup... the girly stuff. I need to go out and get heels, and try new shoes. I want to try new appearances and become my own image/voice.
Mentally, I want to reduce the amount of stress in my life (mostly from the job search), and just reducing the expectations on myself and the hurry to accomplish things. I just want to do so much that I become my own worst enemy, and this is not healthy. I need to be realistic, do my own projects, and just try to take it as it comes. Hopefully that is possible for me.
Spiritually, I want to get involved with the church I have started to attend regularly. I have been going on Sundays now for the last few weeks, and I really like it. They have a young adult program on Tuesday nights, so I want to make that a reugular event for me. I want to attend church retreats and volunteer for some organizations or events.
Socially, that is pretty self explanatory. Now that I have a small income, I can afford a drink or two, or maybe a day trip to the San Diego Zoo, etc. I want to be able to travel to different places in California and see what is around me instead of living in my apartment bubble.
So overall, this first real year into my career, I want to be able to settle myself a little bit. Take life as it comes. This new change in mentality is a huge deal because it is going to force myself to not get caught up in the future and just enjoy now, which I think I owe it to myself.
To summarize how I want to improve myself, I made a list of some weekly goals for myself:
* Read a book a month
* Complete a craft a week
* Church group on Tuesdays
* Gym/Excercise 5x a week
* Church on Sundays
* Blog OE once a week, and Tumblr for 30 min/day
* Bake treats once a week
* Make a real dinner once a week
* Take daily multi-vitamins
* Floss everyday
* Catch up on weekly magazines
* Become confident in all aspects of my life
Other future goals:
* Go home every 3 or so months if money allows
* Go to Orlando asap
* Read the Bible the whole way through (a life goal of mine)
* Finish Crafts
* Save for future room and apartment (maybe by new year of 2012?)
* See all doctors for health exams
* Take Classes at work for first aid and emergency training
* Take an ASL class at some point.
I think that is it for now. I am trying not to make unrealistic goals for me within this next year, but I feel this is a new beginning of a new year with a new focus and new activities which will make a new routine. I just need to learn not to rush life, and that is a huge challenge. I just hope I can apply it to all aspects of my life. Let's just hope I can stick to it.
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